Thought we could restart another thread from JWR, one I found to be an interesting read. So, I'll start...
I've learned that leaving for me actually was possible. First when I joined the borg and the years following, I really believed in it. But when I started having doubts, the cognitive dissonance kicked in, and I quieted down the doubts for a long time. Sometimes I thought, "Even if I examined my beliefs and found out they're wrong, how could I ever leave this way of life, now that I've given all for it?". I remember thinking also, "I'll try to hang in there as a JW, and if it's not better in 6 months, I'll have to reexamine." Still, it took a long time to come to that point where I really started to look into these doubts. But now, looking back, having had no contact with JWs in months, it actually works. A year ago, I could've never thought I'd be this much out of the organization in such a short time. Everything isn't perfect, leaving is everything but easy. But I've learned that leaving is possible.
Last Edit: Sept 7, 2017 17:02:04 GMT -7 by Chris Ryan
I've learned I can be self sufficient and strong. I also learned to no longer have a dreading fear of anything (other than insects,ugh). I don't fear death or judgement. I don't fear talking to others and hearing ideas that are different than mine or changing my mind.I don't fear getting sick and not being able to take certain medical treatment. I absolutely don't fear being myself. That is the most awesome part.
To me fear is a necessary part of organized religion.I was was always afraid as a JW and the JW's I still know seem to have the same issue. It took time for me to get here. I don't have to impress others or worry about others opinions. I live my life for me now and not to appease a religion. It's fantastic.
As a jw, if I succeeded in something, I was supposed to praise their god for it and to not take any honor for myself. But if something went wrong or a bit downhill, it was hard to get why. Their explanation is that the almighty god, creator of the universe, doesn't want me to succeed. So either I am doing something wrong, or my wish is unspiritual. This more than often results in bad self-esteem and feelings of guilt. If I'm happy/things are going well, it's not because of me. If I'm sad/things are going downhill, it's because of me.
As I've left the jw mindset, I've learnt that the majority of things depends on myself. If I succeed in something, I can feel proud of myself and thankful to those who supported me. And if something goes wrong, well maybe my goals are unreachable at the moment, or maybe I can find a logical reason for it, e.g. that I didn't try hard enough. But in all this, I can have a healthy balance between self-esteem and the feeling that I could achive more, or the insight that some things are not possible right now. That's just life, and it's awesome!
I helped a teen find the right bus yesterday, even if it made me miss my own transit. But it felt good. As a JW, I probably would've helped, but also felt the inclination to leave a tract or something. And if I'd neglected that, I'd felt ashamed that I didn't take the opportunity to witness. It feels so awesome to be kind to strangers with the purpose of just being kind, nothing else.
Post by Island Palms on Sept 5, 2016 10:59:25 GMT -7
I've learned that your mind starts to quiet. All the fear and internal dialogue you hear about every decision the confusion and chaos you feel, it perhaps gets worse when you first leave because you're waging a war with your own mind. But once you win that war, dust starts to clear and you hear one voice...you own. When you finally stop letting others fill your head with their beliefs and propaganda you will hear yourself. For me as a born in it is hearing myself for the first time in my life. And it feels right and good to listen to yourself. I'll never let anyone tell me I can't trust my own heart and mind ever again.
To stop worrying about some hypothetical apocalypse. The world is still here and looks like its gonna be here for a loooong time and I'm gonna have to deal with it. And I've got too many right here, right now things to think about than digging an Armageddon bunker.
I have learned that everything that i was taught is wrong, in regards to if you want to be religious and find God, you don;t need to study for two years, answer hundreds of questions to be baptized as we are all lead to believe.
If Evolution is fact.Then why is it that mothers still only have two arms?????
I thought maybe we could keep adding to this thread as our recovery and healing continues. Hope that's okay. 😊 I was going through it and it was cool to see other ex's dancing to Pharrell Williams "Happy" song! Glad you posted it TB. (I'm wondering if possibly it or something similar could be put up where it would be more visible, reminding us of how it feels to be out of the chains!)
My little update is that I'm moving slowly from dismay to accepting what's happened. I'm doing my best to grieve less and get past the loss of a lifetime working so hard to be perfect. To recognize I can begin to take control of my emotions, look for solutions as to where I will go from this point. So many possibilities! I have so much energy now that I'm not physically and mentally exhausted with those life-sapping dreary meetings. Yay!!! It's not always easy, yet I know I'm getting stronger little by little. Freedom is the best feeling ever.🎈
I'm not physically and mentally exhausted with those life-sapping dreary meetings. Yay!!!
Totally agree here, those meetings where a drag. and yet according to wt doctrine we should of been "joyful" about the meetings and the "spiritual" food despensed there. Have you noticed how the 'meetings' where such a prominent presence, (have to get back, got a meeting tonight!) 'meeting prep etc'.
Post by Thehotone4u2 on Apr 25, 2017 9:24:32 GMT -7
My fade lasted just a couple of days! Lol. It wasn't very long before there were false unsubstantiated accusations being hurled at me like a machine gun, with comments like, "It's not slander if it's true", or "It's a self cleaning organization", or "there's a reason why he's not attending"!!! Seriously? In the end it was all proven that they were lying, but for the small sum of $5,000, they will shut up and all will be forgiven!
An elder came by a couple of years later and told me I have an obligation to attend the meetings! WHAT??? My response, "You've got to be kidding me!" If I attend meetings will I be treated with respect? NO!!! I got a lecture about letting god handle it, etc. blah blah blah...NO, God's busy, I'll handle it.
My decision to walk went from ambiguous to certainty in 2.3 seconds. I had finally had my fill of the BS and I was gone. There were no second thoughts about it. I never regretted that decision. I immediately moved on with my life unencumbered by the minions opinions.
Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to god!-Lenny Bruce (1925-1966)
Quote from counsellor Susan De Campo: When does voluntary become obligatory or compulsory? The Watchtower Society is an experimental religion, meaning, ideas or doctrines are in a state of flux and changes over time.
Also: Willfull negligence is an indictable offence by law.
Even though I've been gone from the org for decades these quotes still mean a lot to me.
I've been learning this past year that being shunned by your JW family isn't the end of the world. Some days it stings like hell and other times I'll go days or weeks at a time and not mind it much. Work in progress.
Post by Thehotone4u2 on Aug 29, 2018 7:41:38 GMT -7
One thing I've learned is that when you live your life to please other people, those people will usually try to manipulate you using that. It's human nature. I live my life to please ME. I look in the mirror and like myself. We all have the absolute right to make our own reputations. I am confident of who I am and what I stand for, because only l have the yard stick. We used to be "spectacles". I hated that. Teaching us to be paranoid about what other people might say? We're watched all the time? Seriously? I already know who I am, I don't care what you think!!!
Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to god!-Lenny Bruce (1925-1966)
Just learned today that in the US in 26 States if child sex abuse occurs within the family it does not incur a prison sentence. Even if it's a step-parent offender they will most likely get a good-behaviour bond.
I wonder if this is part of the reason why the Watchtower Society, being founded in the US, got away with so much for so many years in this regard. And subsequently those attitudes permeated throughout the Watchtower movement around the world.
I remember back on the old JWR.com on a thread about damage control in US congregations, one woman posted from Tennessee (I think; somewhere like that, or West Virginia). She said the elder spoke to the congregation that it's wrong for fathers to have any kind of sexual contact with their daughters, and also between siblings. She said a couple of 'sisters' went crying out of the hall.
Shimmerjet: I am ok hotone thanks for asking, usually warm for this time of year here in middlew earth
Jun 15, 2019 15:02:06 GMT -7
Rusholme: Greetings from Sweden! Long time no see! :)
Jun 23, 2019 9:48:46 GMT -7
Shimmerjet: hey Rusholme great to see you, gottta go to work but hopefully we can catch up soon, hope you are well x
Jun 23, 2019 12:53:06 GMT -7
Shimmerjet: Morning all, have a beautiful day x
Jun 27, 2019 12:53:42 GMT -7
Rusholme: Hope everyone is having a nice day!
Jul 3, 2019 8:16:33 GMT -7
Shimmerjet: Today felt like a week, last day of school tomorrow then two glorious weeks off, the kids have checked out already, making for the long day!
Jul 3, 2019 20:44:50 GMT -7
Rusholme: Sounds good shimmer, hope you'll have a great vacay!
Jul 4, 2019 3:41:40 GMT -7
Thehotone4u2: Yay! Days off! Unfortunately I've got a pile of stuff to do around the house.
Jul 4, 2019 14:30:56 GMT -7
Shimmerjet: Yea same, like a date with the linen cupboard lol
Jul 4, 2019 22:07:26 GMT -7
Shimmerjet: quee, hello, lol I was just looking to see if you were on fb and here you are, hows things?
Jul 4, 2019 22:10:57 GMT -7
Queequeg: Great Shimmy, I'll try to catch you on facebook in a bit.
Jul 4, 2019 22:16:17 GMT -7
Shimmerjet: the one thing Australia does better than New Zealand is......... vegemite beats marmite hands down
Jul 5, 2019 0:12:34 GMT -7
DrivingAce: Hey Guys! It's been a while since I came on, but I wanted to say a quick hello! I've been mostly lurking on the exjw Subreddit, but I didn't want to forget everyone here! Hope all is well!
Jul 8, 2019 8:37:39 GMT -7
Rusholme: Good to hear from you drivingace, all the best! ; )
Jul 10, 2019 7:43:09 GMT -7
Shimmerjet: Wanted..... posters, please we need to liven up this place, we get many visitors but not many posters, why is this? We are a laid back bunch, most veiws welcome, christain, pagan, everyday stuff, all makes for a good convo? take the plunge and post?
Jul 12, 2019 2:39:53 GMT -7
Thehotone4u2: I'm happy to report that I finally got a day off! Yay! Finally got a chance to post a few things. I hope you guys are having a wonderful day today!
Jul 14, 2019 9:58:37 GMT -7
Thehotone4u2: I hope to finally retire sometime at the end of the year.
Jul 14, 2019 18:00:29 GMT -7